Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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