i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
