Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
