Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
