I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
