I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
