just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
