2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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