Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
