They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize