I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
