this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
