i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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