Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
