I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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