I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
