Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
