There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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