I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
