Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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