2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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