Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
