we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
