I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
