Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
