some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
