The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
