apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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