His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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