i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
