you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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