PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
