In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
