goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's rum buckets o'clock
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
