I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am puke
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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