I am puke
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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