I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
