well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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