your thong is hanging out like whoa
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
