yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My bed smells like the plague
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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