i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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