How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize