There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
