she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize