I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he was CRYING into my vagina
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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