im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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