I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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