why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
