Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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