It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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