No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
