My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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