Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize