ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
