yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
