WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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