DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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