:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize