Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
