While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
