I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
