hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
