just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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