I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
