You just made me feel so damn special
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize