The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
