I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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