Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
