Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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