I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
