i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
