Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
