before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
