If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
