I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
