I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you had me at cake vodka
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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