That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
