Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
