omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
