Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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