Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
