Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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