its not stalking. its research.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
