So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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