4 words: hood of his car
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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