After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
