Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize