I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
