One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
