pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
