I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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