Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
