i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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