Need sex. Gaining weight.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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