SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
