if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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